Let’s Talk About Shame

Shame is not guilt.

Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.”

High-performing adults rarely use the word shame.

They use words like:

• “I should have known better.”

• “Well that was embarrassing.”

• “I can’t believe I missed that.”

• "I totally spaced this out."

• “This isn’t like me.”

Shame thrives in environments where excellence is expected and mistakes feel very costly.

On the wheel of emotion, shame sits close to fear and sadness. But it often shows up looking like control, intensity, or withdrawal.

If you’ve ever felt the urge to hide after a mistake, trust in knowing that is shame.

This week, instead of pushing it away, notice it.

Not to indulge it. But to understand it.

Because what we name, we can work with.